“I don’t want to hurt my loved ones. In order to make them happy, I have to do what they want. I have no option,” said Nithya, about being on matrimony sites and going through the tedious arranged marriage process despite not wanting to. The software professional from Andhra Pradesh expressed her discomfort about “being presented” before the groom’s family for scrutiny and the exorbitant dowry rates that are prevalent in her community. Nithya is one of the four women featured in the latest Amazon Prime documentary Wedding.con who were duped of lakhs of money by men they met on matrimony websites.
Directed by Tanuja Chandra, the five-episode true crime documentary is a harrowing watch as it slowly unwraps how conmen exploit the matrimony business for their interests. Apart from interviewing the women who were affected, the documentary also gets insights from a journalist, psychologist, lawyer, and a senior police officer, to shed light on why matrimony sites are a goldmine for conmen. The documentary also explores how archaic ideas around marriage that are continually imposed on women make them vulnerable to such scams.
In India, marriage is often treated as an obligation for women that they must fulfil at some point. There is pressure from not just one’s family but also from watching peers get married and ‘settle down’. Owing to this, women find themselves facing the insurmountable compulsion to find the ‘right’ man to marry. The ‘right’ man, of course, is also expected to be from a similar caste, class, and income bracket. Similar, if not more, exacting expectations are placed on women as well, as there is a need for them to be conventionally attractive, choose family over career, be willing to ‘adjust’, and so on.
Parents of women often feel a sense of duty towards their daughters to get them ‘settled’ at ‘the right age’. They also instil fear in the minds of their daughters that nobody will ‘take care’ of them after they have died. As Sandhya, a data researcher based in Hyderabad, said on the show, her mother wanted to see her ‘settle down’ as she had brought up Sandhya as a single parent and nobody would take care of her daughter after her death. Despite Sandhya finding this ridiculous and laughing it off in the show, she did sign up on a matrimony site where she was conned.
Marriages in India are largely arranged by parents leaving little autonomy for the couple involved, more so in the case of women. Even if the woman notices certain traits and qualities in her future partner that she does not like, she often does not have the autonomy to break it off. Sneha, a software professional based out of Bengaluru, said on the show that she wanted to call off the engagement with Rohan (name changed on the show) as his mother made dowry demands that she was not comfortable with. After a loud confrontation with Rohan’s parents, Sneha decided to call it off but her father ‘convinced’ her otherwise as they might not get a better groom. At the same time, he reminded her that two bangles – the dowry that was demanded from them – was not a lot and asked her to make an ‘adjustment’. Despite having mixed feelings, Sneha agreed not to break off the engagement.
Women, despite their educational qualifications and professional accomplishments, are made to feel that they are lacking in some way if they are not married. In this context, the social setup around marriage becomes a conducive environment for con artists and scammers to prey on women’s vulnerabilities.
The institution of marriage in India is also heavily biased against women. Practices like dowry and checking the compatibility of horoscopes play an important role in determining life partners. For Sneha, it was a welcome relief when Rohan said that their horoscope compatibility mattered little to him. Noting on the show how several matches on matrimony sites fell through as horoscopes were not compatible, Sneha said she ignored several red flags about Rohan’s behaviour and continued to pursue the match.
The show also focuses on the plight of divorced women and widows and their vulnerabilities to being scammed in their pursuit of companionship. Priyanka, a senior tech professional and single mother, struck up a friendship with a man named Mark Bruce online only to be scammed out of nearly Rs 50 lakh. In the show, she noted how people would constantly ask her if there was a “mister”, referring to a husband, even though she was the one taking care of all her daughter’s and parents’ needs. Similarly, Veena, a marketing professional based out of Pune, lost her husband to suicide and met Prajit on a matrimony website after her daughter set up a profile for her. Prajit went on to scam her of nearly Rs 12 lakh. Both Priyanka and Veena were in abusive marriages before and were quickly smitten by the charms of both the conmen. Despite being sceptical of the men, both women said on the show how it was difficult to keep their guards up.
One can draw parallels between the scammers on the show and Israeli conman Simon Leviev, infamously known as the ‘Tinder swindler’. Both Simon and the conmen featured on the show initially showered affection, promised a future together, and even subtly displayed signs of wealth before they made demands for money from the women. For instance, Prajit picked Veena up for a date in a chauffeured Mercedes Benz several days before he asked for her credit cards. Much like Simon, the conmen seemed to have ensured that the women were emotionally not in a position to reject their requests for money. Even if some suspicion arose, the men began breadcrumbing their affection by ghosting the women and being irregular with their messages and calls.
Dr Chitra Raghavan, a psychology professor in New York, noted that matrimony conmen first figure out what the larger culture supports and try to understand the desires of the women they are scamming. In India, the larger culture pressurises women to get married and the conmen use it to their advantage. At the same time, they also slowly learn how to deliver on the women’s desires while also knowing how to eliminate distrust. She further added how conmen tailor their stories to fit the women’s desires and vulnerabilities to a point where the women are unable to see through their act.
The show delves into the social and legal aspects of falling prey to crimes on matrimony sites. Both Nithya and Sandhya said they had to be discreet while going to the police to avoid unsolicited questions from neighbours and relatives if they were spotted at the police station. Nithya recalled how she would park her vehicle near a temple and walk to the police station. However, all hell broke loose when her name was mentioned in a news report after the scam became public and her family found themselves at the receiving end of relentless phone calls from relatives. There is a general disdain for women taking up things in their hands when it comes to legal issues. At the same time, since the women on these shows had to call off the engagements and matches due to the scams, it is also perceived as ‘shameful’ as there seems to be a strong connection between a woman’s reputation and her marriageability. There is little legal recourse for victims of such scams as all the accused persons mentioned in the case are out on bail while the women have not gotten their money back.
Wedding.con deserves praise for not dismissing or villainising the women for being vulnerable and expressing the emotions they did with the conmen. The show does not try to paint them as naive either for falling for the elaborate scams. Instead, it simply tries to understand why well-educated, employed women became victims of these scams. What the show does is hold up a mirror to society to show the various social forces that push women to fall prey to scams facilitated by the matrimony industry.