After facing months of dowry harassment allegedly at the hands of her mother-in-law, a 24-year-old woman died by suicide in Nagercoil in Tamil Nadu’s Kanniyakumari district, on October 21. An hour before her death, Sruthi, who hailed from a Malayali family settled in Coimbatore, had sent a WhatsApp voice note to her mother Sathidevi, revealing the details of the abuse and harassment meted out to her by her mother-in-law Senbagavali. She said that Senbagavali had threatened to take her own life the next day if Sruthi did not return to her parents’ home. Sruthi had also previously told her father Babu about the constant abuse, including a ban on sitting next to her husband Karthik and being forced to eat her meals only off his used plates.
According to Babu’s statement in the First Information Report (FIR) registered by the Suchindram police, Senbagavali repeatedly tortured Sruthi over how little the gold bangles that were a part of her dowry weighed. Babu said that he had “given his daughter” — a euphemism for dowry — 45 sovereigns of gold, silver utensils, and Rs 5 lakhs.
Speaking to TNM, Babu said the marriage was arranged through a matrimony site. “Initially, [Karthik’s family] did not ask for dowry. Nevertheless, we gave her 35 sovereigns of gold and Rs 2 lakhs. Later, their relatives started expressing displeasure over the amount of gold, saying that in their hometown, brides would bring more gold. So we gave more gold and money,” he added.
Six months of harassment
Sruthi married Karthik, who works in the Tamil Nadu Electricity Board (TNEB), on April 21 this year. Before the wedding, Sruthi had been working as an assistant professor of English Literature at SNS Rajalakshmi College in Coimbatore, the same college from which she had completed her Masters degree. While Sruthi’s family originally hail from Kollam in Kerala, they have been living in Coimbatore for more than 30 years. She moved to Nagercoil after the wedding.
“Sruthi used to visit us once or twice a month. For the first two or three months, she didn’t share much. Then, she told us that she wasn’t as happy as we believed her to be. She didn’t tell us anything more and did not complain about her husband,” Babu told TNM.
However, over the next few months of her marriage, Sruthi told her parents about the harassment she faced from her mother-in-law. Even on October 20, a day before she died, Sruthi called her father regarding the abuse.
“My daughter told me that when she would menstruate, she was not allowed to sit on the sofa and was forced to sit on the floor,” the FIR quoted Babu. “Her mother-in-law often expressed her dislike for Malayalis. She always claimed that they would have got more gold if her son had married someone else,” he told TNM.
As he stated in the FIR, Babu’s response was to tell his daughter that things would “improve over time” and to “make peace” with her in-laws.
“Yes, I asked her to adjust, because I wanted my daughter to live well. It’s life, we can’t take decisions impulsively. I thought everything would change over time,” he said.
Babu, however, did not hold Karthik guilty of abusing his wife. “He didn’t do anything to hurt my daughter, even though he remained silent and did not defend her,” he told TNM.
In her voice note, which was sent to TNM by her father, she could be heard saying, “There are no problems between [Karthik] and me. Everything has happened because of [Senbagavali]. I cannot sit next to my husband or eat with him. I have to eat from the plate that he has already used.”
‘Feared the stigma of abandoned woman’
Sruthi said that she preferred dying by suicide to living as a vazhavetti — a pejorative Tamil term used to describe a woman ‘abandoned’ by her husband.
Fearing the stigma surrounding a married woman living in her natal home, she had asked her in-laws to send her to her relatives in Kerala instead of her parents’ home in Coimbatore. If that was not to be done, she said she would only stay at her parents’ house during the upcoming festival days and would return to Kanniyakumari afterwards. Sruthi repeatedly insisted in the voice note that she did not want to live in her parents home because of the ‘shame’ an ‘abandoned woman’ carried.
Sruthi’s mother Sathidevi received the WhatsApp voice note around 7:00 am on October 21. Their frantic calls to Karthik and Senbagavali were left unanswered. At 8:00 am, when Babu and Sathidevi were already on their way to Kanniyakumari, they received a call from Karthik’s sister Lakshmi, who informed them of Sruthi’s death. According to Lakshmi, Sruthi had attempted suicide and they had first rushed her to a private hospital in Nagercoil before taking her to the Aasaripallam Government Hospital, where she was declared dead.
Additional Superintendent of Police (ADSP) for Kanniyakumari Mathialagan declined to comment on the case as investigation is underway. An FIR has been lodged at the Suchindram police station under BNSS Section 194 (3) (woman’s suicide within seven years of marriage).
If you are aware of anyone facing mental health issues or feeling suicidal, please provide help. Here are some helpline numbers of suicide prevention organisations that can offer emotional support to individuals and families.
Tamil Nadu
State health department's suicide helpline: 104
Sneha Suicide Prevention Centre - 044-24640050 (listed as the sole suicide prevention helpline in Tamil Nadu)
Andhra Pradesh
Life Suicide Prevention: 78930 78930
Roshni: 9166202000, 9127848584
Karnataka
Sahai (24-hour): 080 65000111, 080 65000222
Kerala
Maithri: 0484 2540530
Chaithram: 0484 2361161
Both are 24-hour helpline numbers.
Telangana
State government's suicide prevention (tollfree): 104
Roshni: 040 66202000, 6620200
SEVA: 09441778290, 040 27504682 (between 9 am and 7 pm)
Aasara offers support to individuals and families during an emotional crisis, for those dealing with mental health issues and suicidal ideation, and to those undergoing trauma after the suicide of a loved one.
24x7 Helpline: 9820466726
Click here for working helplines across India.