“I feel guilty when I look back. I realise now that I should not have laughed when my father used to make fun of my mother for not reading books. I understand now that she did not read so that we could read more… She was a member of the college union. She writes beautifully but because of us, she didn’t get the social life she deserved,” these are the emotional words of Sarayu Mohanachandran IAS, a Kerala native posted in Tamil Nadu’s Nilgiris district as project officer of Hill area development programme. The young IAS officer penned the moving post after her mother was diagnosed recently with osteoporosis.
“My mother has been suffering from leg pain for three years now. Like every other ailment that mothers have, her leg pain also continued to be her companion even as she kept fulfilling a hundred responsibilities without fail,” Sarayu writes.
The IAS officer recalls the time and energy her mother put in for the family, her own desires taking a backseat. So much so that she even neglected her health. But amidst all this, her mother did not stop dreaming or harbouring ambitions of her own.
It was recently that Sarayu's mother Khadeeja finally saw a doctor, as it became impossible for her to sleep at night due to the pain. The check up showed that her knee bones had been deteriorating.
Sarayu says that her mother’s knees have deteriorated by 40 percent. “Running behind us for everything, both her two knees have deteriorated 40 percent. A solution to this is knee replacement surgery,” Sarayu explains.
“For 40 years, my mother’s day begins with giving a cup of black tea to my father (Mohanachandran) who would sit and read the newspaper. After that, she is like a machine that has been switched on. Though we helped her with the cooking and cleaning the courtyard, to reach her office on time my mother had to work with ‘a hundred’ hands,” Sarayu elaborates.
After reaching home from the office, she would run to the kitchen. Once that is over, she would sit with pending files from her office, Sarayu recalls. She also mentions that despite all this hectic work, her mother enrolled for LLB when Sarayu was in class two.
In an ode to her mother, Sarayu then recalls how her mother would do everything for her and her siblings. She says that her mother would drop her at different locations so that she could take part in quiz competitions and buy every book she asked for.
“It was only my mother who believed in me while I started preparing for the civil service exam. In all those times during the mock tests when I got shattered seeing the low marks and the vast syllabus that is yet to be covered, it was my mother who comforted me saying ‘if not you, then who would crack the exam’.
She then says that even after she became an IAS officer, her mother would come at her place of posting and ensure that she would settle in comfortably.
Though Sarayu's mother was completely involved with the upkeep of the family for years, she never forgot to dream for herself. And when she finally got the opportunity to fulfil her ambitions, she did not hesitate to take the plunge.
“After her retirement, without further delay, she shocked us by enrolling as an advocate,” Sarayu writes proudly.
Ending the note, Sarayu writes that she feels guilty that her mother did not live the life she deserved or write.
“Let her pain get relieved and may she come back as a miduki (a complimentary Malayalam word for smart woman), wear a lawyer’s gowns and start practising, write about her revolutionary love story.”
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