This mother’s day, let’s go beyond wishing mothers, celebrating motherhood and eulogising how mothers are superwomen striking a fine balance in life—family and work— reinforcing the idea of “Dashabhuja” a goddess with ten hands equally active and trying to multitask. Let’s keep that aside for a moment. Instead, let’s focus on where mothers are in terms of their mental and physical well-being, on the tightrope walk to negotiate and make spaces conducive for themselves as mothers so that they can claim a guilt-free healthy life, one that is lived on their own terms. A mother is just human and relegating her to the status of a goddess is not doing anyone a favour, especially not the mother.

At the home front, a woman has to handle overt pressures to bear a child as soon as she gets married and covert family tactics, equally taxing, to strike a fine balance. The ever declining female labour force participation rate is often linked to child birth. We find fewer women at the top in the corporate sector, thanks to motherhood to a large extent. Lack of family support pushes women out of work to take care of home and children. Of course, needless to mention that ones like me who chose to remain child-free in pursuit of a career finds no dignified space within the family or the society. Somehow, my mother-status, albeit the lack of it, continues to be the centre of discussion, even in my mid-forties.

Workplaces are equally taxing for women especially for those who are rearing children at home. Very few workplaces offer crèche facilities putting immense stress on mothers. I remember a colleague of mine was almost on the verge of depression, as the office refused to provide her a longer break during lunch time to go home and feed her child. These steps are small but make a huge difference in helping women rejoin work after maternity leave and settle in.

While 12 weeks’ maternity leave is often seen as the most important benefit given to a woman at the workplace, there are few other equally important and sensitive steps that need to be integrated. Another dear friend once mentioned that she was denied promotion twice by her company and it was justified by saying that she went for maternity leave twice within a span of three years. Nudging women on these guilt trips are often subtle tactics of workplaces to gradually leave the workforce. Though flexi timing and work from home are becoming more acceptable, women continue to strive to prove themselves at all times. This takes a toll on both physical and mental health.

A quick look at the statistics show India’s Maternal Mortality Ratio (MMR) has improved to 103 in 2017-19 from 113 in 2016-18. While the national average has improved, states like West Bengal, Haryana, Uttarakhand and Chhattisgarh show declining numbers. According to NFHS-5, one of the indicators on maternal health that requires immediate attention is mother’s consumption of iron folic acid for 100 days or more when they are pregnant; this has improved from 30.3 percent to 44.1 percent but needs to be much better!

Closer home, I would like to cite our most recent initiative in Roshan Nagar in DJ Halli slum in Bangalore. The initiative introduces a community-based food security system that ensures low-cost nutrition, water, sanitation and hygiene interventions, and addresses strategic gender needs such as menstrual hygiene in an urban slum. One of the major steps we took was to start with a Minimum Dietary Diversity-Women (MDDW) survey in 120 randomly sampled households in Roshan Nagar with women and girls between the ages of 15 to 49 years. This gave us a basic idea about the current levels of food and nutrition consumption in the slums mainly by women and girls. The anaemia tests revealed that around 80% of the women and girls had blood haemoglobin levels much less than the normal range. The reasons can vary from lack of iron rich and nutritious food to the burden of economic activity undertaken by them along with household work.

It is thus very important to turn the focus on women and girl’s health rather than eulogising motherhood which often comes as a result of conforming to stringent social norms for many women and girls in this country. From the harsh social norms to unfriendly work places, no red carpets are being laid out for mothers. Celebrating motherhood as an essential (and the most crucial) identity of women without making her life easier and in the way SHE wants it, is nothing but a cruel joke.

This mother’s day, we should celebrate the mother as the unapologetic human being who has the right to her well-being. This mothers’ day, I tease my mother for not being able to raise a grandchild, but instead having to put up with an unruly daughter who insists on her calcium dose, so that she is able to trek the mountain in her mid-seventies. I wish all mothers— young and old — are able to enjoy their share of the big blue sky.

(Ranjana Das leads the Private Sector Engagement work at Oxfam India.)