There hasn’t been an Indian show on an OTT platform which has split viewers as much as Indian Matchmaking on Netflix. Over the course of eight episodes, ‘Sima Taparia from Mumbai’, takes her clients through a matchmaking process that many found entertaining while several others slammed as regressive.
The emphasis on women having to be ‘flexible’ in the marriage market has especially inspired a range of memes and outrage.
TNM spoke to three women who were featured – Ankita Bansal from Delhi, Aparna Shewakramani from Houston and Rashi Gupta from San Francisco – to understand their experience on the show.
Ankita terms the divided response to the show as “fair”. Many female viewers in India found themselves identifying with the entrepreneur who is told on the show to compromise on her career in favour of marriage.
“The world is made up of all kinds of people that resulted in both kinds – negative and positive – of responses. As fun as it was for many, it was also triggering for a lot of people (including me) to watch, as we've been through it. I recognise that I have the privilege to express how I feel but many others do not. So, my best guess is that these responses will only help us all grow and evolve as a human race! Hopefully that change will come soon with all the conversations and critique that this show has raised,” she says.
Ankita Bansal
Aparna acknowledges that the show probably did not examine all the nitty-gritties of the arranged marriage system. “I have seen that this show triggers strong emotions from viewers based on the topics touched upon – ranging from colorism to sexism. This is just one show and could not touch upon the breadth of the arranged marriage culture and practices of South Asians. For me, I would advise viewers to take it as a snapshot of a society and a diaspora with an understanding that there are many facets not addressed fully in these eight episodes,” says the lawyer.
For Rashi Gupta, it all began 1.5 years ago when her mother forwarded an email from Netflix asking if she was of South Asian descent and single.
“The email then proceeded to describe this matchmaking project that would help connect me with someone who is on the same wavelength as me. I was excited at the thought of broadening my search and meeting people across the globe. When the show aired a few weeks ago, I thought that only the few friends and family I forced would watch it. I am extremely surprised that Indian Matchmaking made it into the top 10 on Netflix in the United States and was #1 in India. It is surreal to say the least,” she says.
The veterinarian dated Vyasar, a teacher and one of the most popular people who featured on the show. While calling Indian Matchmaking a “mirror of society’s expectations”, Rashi adds that it’s “heartbreaking to see that educated, hardworking, and powerful South Asian women are still being downgraded to objective criteria like ‘slim, trim, and fair’.”
A big part of why such shows become runaway successes lies in the fact that they feed the viewers’ voyeurism. But what about the subjects of these shows?
“It is initially a strange experience to have a crew and cameras around you on a date but as you get to know those people are individuals, you tend to feel less nervous in front of them and thus, in front of the camera. It's a process and an adjustment for sure,” explains Aparna.
Ankita says that the crew took pains to make them feel comfortable all through the process. However, she agrees that the part when matchmaker Geeta (Sima’s friend who’s also in the business) advises her to be more ‘flexible’ came as a shock.
“I was definitely taken aback as I had been told many times she was super progressive and had views like mine, so it came as a complete surprise. I eased into the conversation with her continuously reminding myself that her actions and words are her own. I don't have to make them mine and can move away from it unaffected. Towards the middle of our conversation I had already started counting sheep,” she says with a laugh.
Noting that she empathised the most with Ankita, Rashi says, “Despite being so eloquent and polite, she is constantly told that she is too strong-willed and needs to compromise. Ankita struggled with people’s opinions of her for years, especially when it came to the antiquated idea that she needs to lose weight in order to find a match. BOTH men and women struggle with body issues. But unfortunately, in the Indian culture, there seems to be a major emphasis for the WOMAN to change herself and adjust to the man.”
Rashi Gupta
Rashi, who says on the show that she’s never seriously dated, had to meet Vyasar not only in front of his large family but also the camera crew. Recounting the experience, she says, “Imagine meeting someone for the first time. You are most likely going to have some component of ‘first date jitters’, right? Now imagine also meeting that person’s mother… and aunt… and uncle at the same time you are meeting them. Oh, and to top it all off – there are several large cameras over each of your shoulders documenting every word that comes out of your mouth. It’s only a little bit daunting, right? Jokes aside, Vyasar’s family was welcoming and made a seemingly uncomfortable situation very manageable. Vyasar’s mother is genuinely a sweet lady with a beautiful soul!”
Not only that, the show ends on a cliffhanger as far as Rashi and Vyasar are concerned. The latter is considering telling Rashi a big secret – the fact that his father is in prison for the attempted murder of his ex-wife.
“Vyasar’s story was shocking to hear. These types of stories are not often heard in the Indian community, so I can empathise with Vyasar and why he may be concerned about potential alienation. It hurt me to learn that Vyasar grew up without a father, as my father’s guidance has been a significant force in my life. However, a man’s story is not only defined by his father’s. Vyasar has made a name for himself in this world, and I hope that he can continue shaping young minds,” says Rashi.
Considering the popularity of the show, it’s not surprising that their lives have changed. Though Ankita chose to walk away from the matchmaking exercise and focus on her career instead, the show’s success has really helped her clothing brand THERE!.
“Oh it's been a complete, unexpected joy ride! Both, Gayatri (her partner) and I, are so thrilled with the love and support THERE! has received. I only wish I had listened to my partner three months ago and integrated international payments and shipments. At least, we'd have gotten good sleep in the last two weeks. Not complaining, please keep sending in the same love! We love each and every one of you so much!” she gushes.
Rashi says that she has received many heartwarming messages of support and encouragement from people across the world.
“I am blessed to have been part of a larger movement towards reversing the stigmas of arranged marriage. Matchmaking in the traditional sense has changed – the process that our grandparents went through has now evolved from a strict ultimatum into a simple introduction between two people,” she says.
Though she’s not working with any matchmaker presently, Rashi says that she would definitely consider the whole process again.
“The difficulty in meeting someone ‘organically’ is finding a person who is looking for a serious relationship. When you go through a matchmaker, you are directly introduced to people who are looking for commitment with the end goal of marriage. For anyone considering a matchmaker, I encourage you to speak up for yourself and let them know how you see your partner complementing your life journey,” she says.
Busy Aparna has only become busier after the show.
“I am still working full time as an attorney, am juggling social media and messages pouring in in the thousands and am very busy with press interviews from day to night. I have not left the house much due to the COVID-19 situation in Houston, so I have not yet been exposed to street recognition though! A few neighbors stop to chat on my evening walks but otherwise, the outside world stays relegated to my phone and computer,” she says.
Aparna Shewakramani
Aparna’s frank views on men and marriage may not have gone down well with many, but quite a few women found themselves admiring her for the candour. Ankita is one of them. In fact, she picks her as her favourite from the show.
“I see her as this absolutely strong, independent, confident and self-made woman. We need more like her! Team Aparna all the way! Then there's Shekar, he's an absolute sweetheart. Both Aparna and Shekhar have gone on to become good friends. I am no-one to not agree with anyone's views. We all come with our set of learnings and life, I'm sure each one of us had strong enough reasons to be who we are today!”