Vyasar of 'Indian Matchmaking' has some dating advice for men: Here's what he said

Netflix's Indian Matchmaking, which features Mumbai-based matchmaker Sima Taparia and her clients, has generated a lot of discussion around the practice of arranged marriage. Among the people to be featured in the series is Vyasar Ganesan, an Indian origin school teacher from Austin, Texas.

The series has attracted attention not only in India but also abroad. While many have found the series to be entertaining and said that it captures the reality of the arranged marriage system, several others have slammed it for condoning regressive and patriarchal ideas.

Vyasar, one of the most popular clients to appear in the series, speaks to TNM about his experience of the show and the responses to it.

How have your friends and family responded to the show?

Friends have been a mixed bag of shocked, surprised, overjoyed and...confused. People seem perplexed I'd participate in something like this, it's just very strange to some of them. But on the whole, they agree I'm portrayed well, and the show has a lot to offer to a wide range of people.

What about your students? Did they discuss the show with you?

We've just resumed meetings with students, and I've received many emails from students curious about the show. They're excited to see their school represented, and happy they recognised a few faces in the brief shots. We haven't discussed the matchmaking side of things yet, but I bet they're itching to know more.

Did you expect to emerge as the viewers' favourite? (Yes, you are, in case you had any doubts!) What does that feel like?

I had no idea the show would place me in such a central, seminal role. It's incredible, and humbling, to be receiving so much positive attention in the wake of Indian Matchmaking. I'm very grateful for it all - the memes, the DMs, the encouraging messages and the critical takes on my role in the show, such as they are.

You have a big family and they were very involved in the process. Did you find that awkward?

It was a little strange, sure, to have them in the room with me throughout the process. No one in my family has ever used a matchmaker before, so it was new territory we all explored, but we explored it together. That's the reason it wasn't awkward, because we went through it as a family, and discussed it as a family, and maintained a close, loving demeanour throughout.

Also read: Dating on camera: Aparna, Ankita and Rashi on Netflix's 'Indian Matchmaking'

You reveal a very personal story - about your father being in prison for attempted murder of his ex-wife - in the show. Was that hard for you to do?

In recent years, I've been trying to talk about my father more and more. I've written about him in various forms and been lucky enough to have published said writing in a few places. It's a continual process, one that I'll never be done grappling with, but that's not the hard part. The hard part is trying to take in the volume of stories identical to my own that have come pouring in from across the internet. Many people are saying they have fathers just like mine, calling me an activist for being vulnerable in front of the world.

One very nice person said that if I could open up on Netflix, then maybe she could open up about her difficult past with maybe two people. And I guess that's vulnerability as activism - making it ok for people to talk about difficult things.

Who was your favourite person from the show? Whose views did you not agree with?

There are so many people I loved on the show, but being raised by a single mother, I had a soft spot for Rupam. She's really wonderful, and I had a lot of teary moments watching her story unfold on the show. I had a hard time reconciling Pradhyuman's values, he and I are just very, very different. We come from different worlds in so many ways - socioeconomic statuses, family backgrounds, careers, the way in which we approach the world, etc. Even what we have in common, food, is expressed in different ways. I absolutely enjoyed watching him on the show, though, different as we are.

If you had one dating/matchmaking advice for the other men on the show, what would it be?

You have one job to do on these dates - be real. So much of dating has become performance, peacocking, attempting to hide faults and highlight successes. When there are cameras around, the performance deepens - what you say now will become broadcasted for the world to see, reflecting on you, your community, your culture. It's an insane amount of pressure to just get to know someone. And the only way you're going to do that is to just be real. Be open. No airs, no heavy-handedness. Let who you are be what they see.

Are you in touch with people you dated through this process?

I've been in regular communication with Manisha and Rashi both! I'm happy to call them both my friends. They're exemplary Indian women with a great deal to offer the world, and I can't wait to see what's next for them.

How many times do you vacuum in a week (this is a serious question that people at work want to know)?

I live by myself, and try hard not to track in a lot of dirt. In an ideal world, I'd be hitting the whole house once a week. Usually, I do the floors one weekend, the carpets the next, and just keep alternating.