“I have used three dating applications — Tinder, Bumble and Hinge — since the onset of the lockdown in 2020. My experiences have ranged from dreadful to finding a bunch of interesting people,” said Antara K, a Bengaluru-based public relations professional. “The whole concept of having a virtual date was quite alien to me and even when I finally took the plunge, the initial moments were awkward. The good thing was that it was a mutual feeling. I did stop messaging when I had the slightest bit of unsettling feeling with my match. Sometimes it took video calls to realise the discomfort.”
During the pandemic, the dating applications witnessed a surge in users, some of whom installed apps to tackle their loneliness and isolation. However, it also changed the way people dated as many people shifted to interacting over voice calls and video calls. Keeping up with this shift, dating apps introduced in-built video calling features as well. Earlier this year, a Bumble survey that noted 46% of their users preferred virtual first dates rather than meeting in-person, and saw a 70% increase in video calling and voice calling features. Tinder's recent survey called 'Future of Dating' showed that of the 2,000 Indians surveyed, 68% found it easier to make connections online while 67% said meeting new people online was liberating. Further, 60% felt less judged while interacting online.
In a post-pandemic world, while some people are using platforms like Zoom to set up virtual dates; many are also turning to having virtual experiences together from the safety of their homes. Others are also looking to screen their matches through virtual dates before deciding to meet them in person.
Antara said that video calling has changed the dating experience. “I think earlier, on Tinder or Hinge, whenever one would plan to go out and meet someone for a date, there was an element of surprise there. You’d essentially be meeting for the first time and get to see what the other person really looks like. Voice and video call features have definitely changed that.”
When asked how their dating experience had changed, some said that they were more mindful of who they are interacting with. “Earlier, I would meet a person the next day if the conversation was okay, but it’s changed,” said Akanksha, a 23-year-old journalist. She said that the pandemic has made her not want to take her time for granted, and become choosier about whom she matches with and invests time in. “Now, I don’t meet someone without having spoken on video calls for a bit,” Akanksha added.
Akanksha also relies on video calling to gauge the person’s energy as well as their seriousness towards COVID-appropriate behaviour and vaccination, and she is not the only one with these concerns. Tinder's 'Future of Dating' survey found that users were increasingly making their expectations clear in their bio – the usage of the phrase ‘wear a mask’ went up 100 times throughout the pandemic. The survey also found that for 66% respondents, it was important to know their date’s mask-wearing habits beforehand and 66% said they maintain a six-feet distance when deciding to meet a date.
For some, virtual dating reduced the emphasis on vanity and even made the first date less awkward. Ameena*, a postgraduate student, said that earlier, comparatively more effort would go into dressing up for in-person dates. “I was using Bumble at the beginning of 2021 and have gone on a handful of virtual dates, using the in-built video calling feature in the app. The maximum effort I made was wearing a good top with minimal make-up. I sit in my leisure clothing otherwise. I have also used the online gaming feature on Bumble for a while to connect with my dates which was a fun change from usual awkward dates,” noted Ameena.
If going to the movies and dinner was a norm for date pre-pandemic, it has now taken the form of a ‘watch party’ which is a feature or extension that enable one to host watch something on OTT platforms like Netflix, Amazon Prime, with another person remotely, complete with reactions through a live-chatting feature. Soham, a photographer based in Mumbai, said, “I started using dating apps at the beginning of 2021, and have been comfortable with video calling but never had a formal date online. I would either use Discord or Netflix Watch Party for a virtual date, watch a film together, and have a fun time.” He added that finding common ground through films, music also gives an insight into the choices of the match. Even if there are hardly any matches, you can discover new films, new artists and have a good laugh. “Sharing a good memory is always a good idea!” he said.
Both Akanksha and Soham had noted that although they are comfortable with video calling, there are limitations. “Observing a person’s body language gives more insight into them. With video calling, there are limitations to making such observations,” Akanksha noted. “Virtual dates lack a human touch. The matches being different than what they portrayed to be was deterring for me. With phishing concerns already there, getting on a video call first and checking if match vibes is better,” Ameena added.
Another challenge that Antara pointed out was that she felt her privacy was compromised in some instances. “While it’s great in a way that you are less likely to get catfished the minute you know a call is involved, it also tends to invade your privacy, at least in my case. It’s harder to establish boundaries when a video call is involved. I have had a lot of these matches randomly video call me, even if I didn’t agree to it earlier, just because Bumble has that feature, and even WhatsApp and Instagram do. Video calls would make me more vulnerable to answering questions that I feel I could’ve somehow navigated around over text.”
With vaccination open for those who are 18 years and older, the young adults are also looking to meet in real life. Soham said that he would not mind meeting his matches in real life as long as they are vaccinated. Keeping in line with this, dating apps like Tinder rolled out a feature where people can display whether they are vaccinated. However, not everyone is convinced about the legitimacy of this vaccination status on dating apps. “There have been fears about a person lying about having received the vaccine. The apps also need to have a mechanism wherein they are sure that the users are not lying about having gotten vaccinated against COVID-19,” Soham noted.