When I first moved to Bengaluru, I was in the middle of a lot of major changes. I’d decided to change streams and left behind a career in clinical medicine to pursue journalism. On top of that, I was going through a really difficult break-up. This, plus several other issues I was struggling with at the time culminated as severe anxiety.
And that's how I ended up going to a therapist two years ago.
At our first session, one of the immediate things I did was to tell Anu*, my therapist, how skeptical and afraid I was. This wasn’t the first time I had reached out to a mental health professional. In fact, this was one last real attempt at trying to get help. I told myself that I was willing to do whatever it took to get past this. Anu understood, she heard me out, and didn’t expect me to trust her off the bat. In these past two years, it has taken us tremendous effort to help me get to a point where I began using therapy actively, and that started with building trust.
So, what does the scene at the therapist's look like?
Ok first of all, yes, there is a couch, but it could be a chair too. But I like sitting on the couch, usually cross-legged -- it’s more comfortable that way. I suppose, by now, Anu knows my body language a little: does she catch the wave of anxiety that washes over me, causing me to pull myself closer together? Or maybe she notices how I managed to get there on time today, ahead of time actually. Does she notice my disheveled hair compiled into a messy bun?
“So Nimi, let’s talk about what’s been going on with you,” Anu says as I sit down and make myself comfortable on the couch.
I tell her about the first “therapist” I went to see, back in third year of college, with a close friend of mine. He was way more interested in bragging about his television programme than he was in hearing what I had to say. Then there was the trained student counselor I approached who told me that it was all “in my head.” And of course, the one seemingly open-minded psychiatrist who charged me a bomb (I was just starting out in my first job and this was burning a hole in my pocket), and also expected me to pay five grand for some homeopathic tablets? Then there were the times that I didn’t even tell my closest friends or family about what I was going through.
I gradually found my sessions with Anu to be extremely supportive and a safe environment for me to push my limits. Looking back, I'm glad I didn't give up on myself. It is the safe space where I am forced to confront my demons. We all find ways to cope with the pain and trauma we feel, but in many cases these mechanisms themselves don’t address the problem and merely offer us temporary solutions.
It’s comforting to turn to these defenses when we have grown used to ignoring the things which cause us pain, but in therapy, we learn healthy coping skills to better deal with trauma and pain. A good therapist will allow you to come to your own conclusions and decisions, they will not judge or make you feel uncomfortable. They will help you visit and revisit different parts of your life and help you confront the things which you may be having trouble articulating and clarifying to yourself.
Therapy for me hasn’t just been about talking about my feelings, it’s also about building tools and techniques to deal with our day to day stressors. For me, it has also been a lot about understanding my own behavioral patterns and allowing myself to unlearn things that I’d grown accustomed to. And yes, it has helped me confront some traumatic events and incidents, and has helped me find a place to let go of the pain.
There are several benefits to therapy, which have been scientifically proven to aid people struggling with mental health problems. The right therapist can not only help you identify the problems you face, but can also help you develop a healthy coping mechanism.
*Name changed
Views expressed are author's own.
If you are aware of anyone facing mental health issues or feeling suicidal, please provide help.
Tamil Nadu:
State health department suicide helpline number - 104
Sneha Suicide Prevention Centre - 044-24640050 (listed as the sole suicide prevention helpline in TN)
Telangana:
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Roshni- 040-66202000, 66202001
SEVA- 09441778290, 040 - 27504682 (between 9 AM and 7 PM)
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Both are 24-hour helpline numbers.
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Life Suicide Prevention Helpline No.78930-78930
Roshni
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