Building a network of support around those who go through assault makes a world of difference, like the one between life and death, reminded actor Parvathy Thiruvothu, inaugurating Stand By Me on Saturday, November 23. The initiative, which aims to support survivors of gender-based violence, has been active for a while now, not just providing emotional support but also focusing on financial stability. Through Stand By Me, survivors have been able to promote their handmade products – bags, clothes, curtains – paving the way for economic independence. Hundred percent of the proceeds go to the survivors.
The initiative was formally launched on Saturday in an online event that began with American soul singer Ben E King’s rendition of his song "Stand By Me” – When the night has come, And the land is dark, And the moon is the only light we'll see, No, I won't be afraid, Oh, I won't be afraid, Just as long as you stand, Stand by me.
Parvathy, one of the founding members of the Women in Cinema Collective (WCC), spoke about her experience of working with women who are trying to change the system. She said that the first step is to tell the survivor that you believe in them. “Personally, I am more affected when a woman disbelieves me than when a man does. Somewhere in me, I expect men to not believe, I have known how to manage that, I am not reliant on them believing me. Even when the legal system has failed [some survivors] it means a lot when there is a collective that says we believe what you say,” Parvathy said.
The second step, she said, is pooling resources, to be able to demand the justice that survivors deserve. Before there was a collective, women, she said, were like isolated islands floating away from each other. She emphasised that this is why a collective like the WCC or Stand By Me is so important. “It is not only a network out of compassion and empathy but also to educate that you can demand space and livelihood. I want to emphasise that your demanding a livelihood based on your skillset has nothing to do with your fight for justice when you are the wronged one.”
Feminist theologian, activist, and scientist Astrid Lobo-Gajiwala, who was another speaker at the launch, quoted the famous trial of the French septuagenarian rape survivor Gisele Pelicot who insisted that her court trial be open to the public, to encourage all survivors of rape to speak up. Elaborating on the little-understood concept of consent, Dr Astrid touched upon the practice of courts in India still considering “many irrelevant factors in determining consent”, including the presence of injuries, the sexual lifestyle of the victim, and her social profile.
The National Crime Records Bureau had reported in 2021 that 96.8% of the rape offenders were known to the victims. Citing this, Astrid pointed out, “Rape goes beyond physical injuries. The trauma is emotionally, psychologically and spiritually shattering. Stand By Me is an initiative to support and sustain survivors of abuse over the long haul while they fight their battles in court and struggle to get their lives on track. It will not only help women survive with dignity but continue the conversation around gender-based sexual violence so more survivors will access the support they need.”
Dhanya Rajendran, Editor-in-chief of The News Minute, also spoke at the event, detailing the harrowing legal process that a survivor has to go through, beginning with filing a police case, navigating the periods of investigation, and finally, the long process of trial. Through so many years, the survivor is often forgotten by everyone who had initially given her attention, including the media and the well-wishers. “What we don't talk about is how survivors are sometimes left alone, we don't ask about their mental health or how they deal with what is happening around them, or what their financial security is. Often, it is not just the survivor but her supporters too that face the backlash of choosing to fight. Like how the actors in the WCC were kept away from the industry (for supporting the survivor of the 2017 sexual assault case). Stand By Me has a WhatsApp group where the supporters ask after the survivors – it can be little things like what the weather is or what they had for breakfast – every day. Another way we can all support them is to share Stand By Me's Instagram posts.”
Jean D’Cunha, global gender, migration and climate specialist, read out a message from the survivors of the Stand By Me initiative, which said among other things how they have “taken up the needle and thread to own and claim financial freedom, one stitch at a time”. They have faced many challenges in their journey, they said, but they believe that when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. “With this as our motto we have embarked on this small enterprise to become economically independent and fight our battles on our own terms.” The message ended with these lines:
“Will you stand by us
Will you stand by us by sharing our stories with others
Will you stand by us by promoting our products
Will you stand by us by buying our products
Will you stand by us by supporting the survivors in your life.”
Kochurani Abraham, feminist theologian and one of the founders of the initiative, spoke about the beginning of the collective two years ago and how it grew from the original five members to many more. Journalist and researcher Chithira Vijayakumar moderated the event.
To support Stand By Me, their products can be bought online through their page: www.instagram.com/standbyme_india.